It's complicated. How should i even explain this.. we who are total different from our opposite sex, could never understand what they are thinking.
It was a thought when my senior in work told me this, that our office had been hiring more female workers than male. That's because of the workload & effieciency difference between 2 sexual. I've seen how my senior work in the office, and in comparing her with some guys i know out there... it's seriously the data how we girls key in into our brain. We could be like a computer, we key in, we do it, we produce and we even accomplish them with all our souls and mind. Even if it would take half of our life or time away, we would still struggle and fight for it.
Men, on the other hand, key in the data, they will start analysis and develop them. Buble diagram the the data and even might brain storm it. They could be "too smart" too sometimes, they tend to will keep their develop data with themselves and only release some info day by day. Holding the power with them and keeping their ability enclose and could pretend whatever they would want. They key in the data, they keep, they will produce things accordingly through what the requirement wants, and keep themselves being happy. Easy money.
I have this data which never fails to keep me running. I produce and i would want to get what i deserves. If i dont get them, i'll quit and make sure you suffer along too. But lately i doesnt even bother much anymore, because i have been working til late everyday and i couldnt even recall how a sunset looks like anymore. Nobody even cares whether i had taken dinner or what time i off work anyway. Not even my closest ones...
Not because they doesnt care, that's because they trust i'll do well.
I'm good in making excuses to keep myself cool sometimes. I could be not talking to anybody for a month and still doing very well. I could be not doing anything but still keeping myself alive. I could have no complain for a month and suck up all my problems to myself. I'm capable in anything, but all i ever wanted all these while is to commit suicide. LOL! Mayb i sounds negative, but it's a positive thought for me. Because i'm living in a world of stress. Not many know that i'm living in a quite stressful world since i was really young. Whether stress or not, we would still die in the end. So why putting up faces showing to the world how unhappy we are? That's why i'm 80% always holding up a happy face when i'm out there, but who would know that in my room, in my own buble space, i actually keep my smiles and look at the wall next to my bed and starts crying? No one could ever caught that moment of me. LOL!
Not because no one knows, because why bother when there's so much fun out there?
It's real complicated and frustrated sometimes. Men and women are just different in coping their stress. When men is dealing with stress, they lock themselves up and not talking to anybody. When women stress, they talk. Some of my friends are starting the understand the existance my pooh bear. He is my split. Things that i couldnt do or wouldnt dare to say it out from my mouth, i will go through him and expresses them out. But since now i hardly gonna play with my pooh bear, i'm starting to talk to my phone. LOL!
When i'm home, i'll be saying goodnight or talking to my boyfriend's picture in my hp when he's busy or not talking to me. Sounds pathetic. But i just need to talk to release my stress. I cant simply just pop out to my friends who's not in the working field, because they might not understand. I cant pop to friends who are working, because they might be occuring the same stress or worse ones. Such a burden, i should suck up and change them into writting.
I know.... talking to pictures or softoys are useless, they are not responding. Recalling back, even in my life, it's me who are doing all the jobs. 80% of the times is me calling my friends, texting them, doing the topics, trying to merge in.... bla bla bla. It could be such a sad life that even if i dont contact them for a month, no one would bothers. I have this thought now, WHY SHOULDNT I EVEN CARE ANYMORE. I really dont want to take so much moves anymore, you want to talk to me, my ears are ready, if not... well.. why would you want to bother about the if not part anyway. LOL! You'll probably just ignore me and do your own things.
I dont know how this post suppose to be from men vs women to all about me already. Yea.. that's another realization, people tends to talk about "ME".. they talk about themselves. They wanted attention, they talk about them. They wanted to be the hot topic, they share experience. They wanted to be remembered, they act something. This apply to both male and female, dont you think so?
Men, when they achieve something, then they will file the data and start logging onto the next data (direction/motivation). Women, they got that data, and cling onto it. It's really a life cycle, from generation to generation without fail. It's in the gene. LOL!
Life's seriously gotta go on. Probably that's why because i enjoy looking at my own blood flowing because it's telling on the cruelty of this world, the true face, the realization of life. It's torturing, but the pain will keep me alive. And now.. this part of me i had manage to keep it real lock behind, but somehow.. i felt my life is lack of care/cherish from elseone.
Not because NO ONE cherish, because they think i have lots and i am fine. LOL! what nonsense i am writting now. XD
When in doubt about who's being right and wrong, it's just a concern that you think you are being taken advantage of. Being right is almost never more important than allowing yourself to be happy. ---------------------------- Sometimes, we gotta let people die in their own thoughts. We gotta remind ourselves that only us can make ourselves happy. The more absorbed you get in details of watever is upsetting you, the worse you'll feel. It's not worthy after all, it wont look good when you look back a year from now.
